CAUTION: The Events of a Madman.

Ding... SURVEY!

2006-08-21T20:41:02Z

69 Questions to END the Summer

1. Are you in a relationship?
Not since last May. It was a well deserved break.

2. Do you hate more than 3 people?
Hate is a word I try not to use unless it's towards veggies, spiderwebs, or the Magnum XL.

3. How many houses have you lived in?
2.

4. What is your favorite candy bar?
Whatchamacallit.

5. What are your favorite shoes?
Lightweight shoes with good support, like Sketchers or Spalding.

6. Have you ever tripped someone?
Only a flaggit.

7. What is your least favorite subject this year?
It's a tie between "get a job" and "well what do you think?"

8. What is your favorite subject this year?
Um... I can only be creative so many times before my magical belt from another dimension loses it's power in this world.

9. Do you own a Britney Spears CD?
NO! *Cries* How dare you insult my musical tastes by asking that question.

11. Name something that's always on your mind?
Right now or always? I'm a guy so #1 is given, over the past couple days though it's been... yeah.

12. What is your favorite music genre?
Alt-Rock/Grunge and Punk.

13. How old are you?
24.

14. What time were you born?
8-something am.

15. Do you like beer?
It either has to be thick (dark usually) beer or Light.

16. Have you ever made a prank call?
No.

17. What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
Well, I have a CD case I still need to throw away (someone else's CD,) from Gwen Steffani's last album (which sucks.) I'd be really embarassed if someone saw that crap and thought I owned it.

18. Are you sarcastic?
Noooo, I'm NEVER Sarcastic.

19. What is your favorite color?
Hues of Blues.

20. How many watches do you own?
3.

21.Summer or winter?
Winter unless I have something to do. Working during the summer sucks.

22. Spring or fall?
Fall.

23. What is your favorite color to wear?
Blue.

24. Pepsi or Sprite?
Pepsi.

25. What color is your cell phone?
Silver and Silver.

26. Where is your second home?
Colin and Mary's or Matt and Carla's.

27. Have you ever slapped someone
With a hockey Goalie stick...

28. Have you ever had a cavity?
You don't want to know.

29. How many lamps are in your bedroom?
3.

30. How many video games do you own?
Uh... I can't count them all. Everything from titles like Merchant Colony for a 386 and Ladybug for Coleco Vision to Kingdom Hearts 2 for PS2 and Morrowind: Oblivion for WinXP.

31. What was your first pet?
A dog.

32. Have you ever had braces?
Nope, but I've had a bionator. Bionator = worse than braces and WAAAY worse than a dinky little retainer.

33. Do looks matter?
Looks help, but I'm not playing the game anymore.

34. Do you use Chapstick?
From time to time.

36. American Eagle or Abercrombie?
American Eagle... Rarely though. I hate shirts that have their own name on them.

37. Are you too forgiving?
Anyone who knows me well enough over the past 3 years will say YES without hesitation.

38. How many children do you want?
Until I can name one after my father... however many that takes.

40. What is your favorite breakfast?
Anything that isn't part of some Diet Meal.

41. Do you own a gun?
A high powered Air Rifle (don't call it a bb gun cause this will shred wood.)

42. Have you ever thought you were in love?
Yes, and I know I had it...

43. When was the last time you cried?
It's been awhile now... Unless you count movies, cause then it was a couple weeks ago.

44. What did you do 3 nights ago?
Hung out with Colin and Mary, Dave, and met one of the coolest girls ever. (For the moment anyways.)

45. When was the last time you went to Olive Garden?
Uh... I can't remember.

46. Have you ever called your teacher mom?
No, but in Jr. High we had a hall monitor that everyone called "mom."

47. Have you ever been in a castle?
Yes, over in europe. Can't remember which one though.

48. What are your nicknames?
John Top... wow how imaginative.

49.Do you know anyone named Bertha?
No.

50. Have you ever been to Kentucky?
Yup... their chicken sucks.

51. Do you own something from Banana Republic?
I don't know what that is, so no.

52. Are you thinking about somebody right now?
Yes.

53. Have you ever called someone Boo?
Called someone Boo? Why would you call someone that? Boo is an extension of Bo, which came from Boyfriend.. so I'm still confused how that works. (Besides, it's sounds stupid calling someone "Boo" anyways.)

54. Do you smoke?
Yep. :\

55. Do you own a diamond ring?
No.

57. Do you dye your hair?
I'll bleach it, maybe do Black again, but nothing else turns out right.

58. Does anyone like you?
If you mean is interested in "that" way, I hope it's as true as I hear.

60. What were you doing May of 1994?
I know we were camping, but I can't remember anything significant.

61. Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?
Remember what was said about that Brittney Spears stuff? Same responce here.

62. McDonald's or Wendy's?
McDonald's for the fries, Wendy's for everything else. ('Cept those cinni-melts are pretty good.)

63. Do you like yourself?
To be serious, I don't. I can't stand myself. I only like SOME things I can do and I like myself as long as other people like me, but if they don't who cares. XD

65. Favorite feature of the opposite sex?
OMG! Eyes are killer, which is why I try to NOT look at them and stare at boobs instead. (I'm serious.)

66. Are you afraid of the dark?
Not in the slightest.

67. Have you ever eaten paste?
No, but I knew a kid who did... he said it tasted like boogers and went on to prove that.

68. Do you have a webcam?
Yes, but it sucks and I rarely use it.

69. Have you ever stripped?
Not that I'm going to tell, but I might have.

Yo!

2006-08-21T00:27:45Z

Yeah, it's been a long time since I've updated this thing, but I've been way too busy. I mostly use myspace as a communication hub (NOT as a friend whore... I refuse to accept people I don't know or who don't show an interest in knowing me,) www.myspace.com/johntop. There's been a TON of things that have happened recently, some I can say, some I can't because of... reasons. :P

I've been a churchie lately. Mostly helping out the youth group and such, trying to find my place here and there, and I think I know what that is. I'm very open to people and I might just be one of those "on the road" kind've guys. You meet someone, mention something, and get the thought process going. I know as far as evangelicals go I'm no where near their calibur... I just don't feel that much of a drive. I do know where my strengths lie, and I use those. Working with the kdis and in other people's lives.

I've also technically been unemployed for the last year, surviving on threads and bread, but I do it. Except for my computers I don't have too much, and I like that. Minimalist, definately. Money has never been a drive for me, and it probably never will be. Unfortunately, I've had a sudden urge (hint hint,) that maybe I should step it up a little. Sure I may have gotten a job working for a friend, but I know I'm going to need a little extra. If anything, the spark has been lit and I now have another goal.

Speaking of goals, I don't know how, or why, but my ideals have been completely revamped about certain things lately... I mean VERY recently. I see where I am lacking and all of a sudden I know I have to step up in order to keep up, and that's exactly what I needed... a HUGE thank you again.

My friends are all getting (or have gotten) married and I'm scared pantless. I don't really know if I should expect something, or just blow it off, but it's WEIRD being the only one left in bachelorland. (My spelling is aweful cause I'm thinking of 12 things at once.) I don't know how I feel about leaving it behind yet, but from the recent experience I had, I'm quite capable.

Doctor's Orders

2006-03-21T21:52:59Z

Leave the scabs alone and the wound will heal over time. You pick the scab and it causes a scar... quit causing scars you dolt! Any idiot knows that.

I hate being exposed...

2006-01-18T04:49:24Z

but at least I feel comfortable exposing my flaws around the College group, and you know what, it made me care less about my "fears."

Being Emotional.

That one really sucks. Cause like, when you're extremely emotional, and you get upset cause you're getting emotional, it just makes it worse. Girls like the bad boys, not guys like me, so I ended up fighting it for quite awhile... you know, playing the macho guy. "I don't cry... anymore." Yeah, that worked until last night, and then today i decided, "you know what, if they don't want me it's their problem. If they'd rather have a guy who, -instead of paying attention to them and listening to their "day at work" and sharing a misty-eyed hug during a pet's death,- would rather have a beer and football and sex when they want it, dinner ready when they get home, and absolute quiet when they are trying to hear Drew and Mike's "yet-another-version-of-the-fart-song," then so be it. Get away from me.

Another thing, although I don't think I'm ever going to get over it, is the fear of spider webs... iiiiiiiiiiccccckkk.

For all you romantic's out there:

1 Corinthians 13:13

There are three things that will endure – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.

I think I proved my point.

OMG! I Cried...

2006-01-17T04:05:50Z

So, I am hanging out with my old friend Matt again, after not seeing him for years, and during our weekly hangout he goes "I'm been thinking, and I wanna know, will you be my best man?" I came soooo close to crying at Rams Horn it wasn't even funny, (ok, so maybe it was.) I mean... after everything we've been through, together, and during our own seperate travels through life... I just can't explain it with words.

So, I already know some of what I have planned (which was kind've obvious knowing Matt,) but I really have no idea what I'm gonna do, say, or anything like that. I'm sitting here thinking "this is one of the most important times in Matt's life, and he asked me to be a special part of it... and I'm an idiot!"

Well, I know that I'm A) going to end up getting choked up, B) end up getting him a little choked up, and C) avoid catching the garter at all costs, (I already caught one... how many more do I really need to catch to get the point?)

Thinking about the entire thing makes me want to read corinthians, like, all the way through. I picked out a card that brought tears to my eyes (and theirs,) at colin and mary's wedding, and I know I'm going to be asked to say something at one point or another.

In the end though, I'm probably just going to go to sleep, and forget about it until he bring it up again... when i'll completely freak out.

Yeah, I'm probably making this a bigger deal than it really is, but this shadow of a past come to glory doesn't exactly happen everyday.

Yeah, I found this very appropriate for me in a funny, twisted way.

2006-01-12T07:43:51Z

I had to let people listen to it. If you know me, you'd know how hilariously funny this REALLY is. If anyone can direct Colin to give this a listen (hint hint...) please let him know that this is NOT going to be my theme song.

http://www.archivestowearpantsto.com/tracks/0103_underage_stalkers.mp3

Thanks to my .j2 friends, and others...

2006-01-06T13:04:42Z

Stupid Deer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0390163/fullcredits

This guy deserved it...
http://gorillamask.net/kissfight.shtml

Photo booth
http://funnystuff.rolista.com/clip_detail.aspx?clipId=465

Trick or Owned
http://www.killsometime.com/Video/video.asp?ID=365

My Cowboy Bebop Song

2006-01-05T10:06:54Z

COOLNESS IN ULTRA SUPER MEGA MODE!

What's Your Cowboy Bebop Song?

Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Ok... so hopefully I'm popular...

2006-01-04T07:50:50Z

Ok, Straight up, I'm trying to get votes to get on a TV show. It's a casting call for hollywood or whatever, I don't really care. I just think it'd be neat to get to the 3rd round (actual interviews,) and see what it's like. To vote for me, go here and type;

2203

In the Audition Number box, (that's my audition number,) along with your e-mail address (a real one that you'll have to confirm.) I'm trying to establish a "fanbase," basically... a popularity contest. If you do this, I'll love you forever... heck, I'll even try to mention you (as long as you let me know that you voted for me :P) on air if I make it that far. If that isn't enough to convince you, I'll have your babies. Anyways, here's the link... (remember, 2203 )

http://www.cityofthestars.com/votingpage.asp

Thanks a ton!
John Top

P.S. Get your friends to vote for me too. Heck, get your entire family to vote for me.

So I'm cruel...

2006-01-04T06:00:32Z

Ok, the beginning i only chuckled at the first part... the last part... with "Arnold"... I laughed my ass off at.

http://www.nearlygood.com/video/2005yearinreview.html

"Metallic fanny packs!"

So I'm 10 years old... what else is new?

2006-01-04T05:33:14Z

You Are 10 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Happy New Year!

2006-01-01T11:49:25Z

So, 2005 over and done with, and another year in the book of done. I've been entertaining myself alot recently by playing Guitar Hero (Merry belated Christmas everyone btw,) and I can tell you it's pretty dang hard once you get up to expert. I mean, my fingers are pretty fast (at least that's what she said,) but for some reason they won't co-operate THAT well. The solos in "Bark at the Moon" are insane, as well as other songs like "Crossroads," and a couple others. Other than that, just trying to entertain myself till the winter is over.

I am planning on a personal road trip this spring or summer, whenever I get enough money, to Ohio and Virginia to visit some friends that I've met before. I'm kind've excited about it really. I'm spending 2 days at Cedar Point, a day at Geauga Lake, and hopefully a day or so out further east, (we'll see about that second part *crosses fingers*.) I'm hoping to plan another trip in late summer/early fall, but it won't be as long (see: expensive,) as the first one. Probably just hit up Cedar Point or Geauga Lake again, that or go visit my friend's relatives in DC.

I got the job I've been trying to get for a few years now. I'm working Crowd Control for The Palace. My first day? Lynard Skynard... boy was that a rough show. The worst all year or so they say, but it didn't seem TOO bad. Eight people ended up being escorted out (by force,) one by me and my supervisor, and I can tell you one thing... don't EVER look a drunk skinhead in the eye, it just pisses him off like a bull seeing red. Unfortunately, normal psychology doesn't work on primates. Most of the night I was at doors, wanding people (eat that harry potter... I get paid to use a wand.) I can tell you one thing I'm going to hate about the job... single middle-aged women. I got felt up sooo many times I nearly cried. I know I'm going to end up earning the nickname "Boy Toy," as it seems to be what most of the patrons seem to call me. I need to get in a car accident or dunk my head in a chipper shredder to prevent that.

Tonight was the Jr/Sr High New Year's party, and I have to say it went extremely well. The funniest part is the joke we played on the kids. Since november, every kid had a chance to win "iPoints" depending on the different things they went to. Classes, dinners, lock-ins, and on New Year's we would hold a raffel to give away a 20gb iPod. Well, we worked that into a little lesson as well. "There is no iPod." It actually went off REALLY well. We got the reactions we were expecting (a little let down, but not angry,) and Mickey (a tiny kid who's parents keep fighting him about going to church,) actually got the message before we said it. something like, "It isn't about coming to get something, it's the things you do in the meantime, because there's something better that we've already got." Well, he said that and we revieled that there was an iPod, and held the raffle. Some kids had like 10 tickets, some 15, Mickey only had 4... and guess who won? MICKEY! I mean, if there ever was an interesting point to have every "I" dotted and evert "T" crossed by an event, that was one of them.

As you can tell, my life has gotten better despite the shit-storm I went through near the end of the summer. I can see now that if I would've ended up doing what I "wanted" to do at the moment, instead of what is really rewarding in the long run, my life would be absolute crap right now. Happy New Year everyone.

I hope you fellow WoW heads read this...

2005-12-28T06:40:24Z

This means you Matt, Mary, Drew, Jessa, Colin... and others whom I have forgotten about due to late night brian drain.

http://www.nearlygood.com/video/wowintforporn.html

The internet is for porn. (This is about the only good thing to come out of the horde.)

anarchy_2k @ 2005-12-27T06:48:00

2005-12-27T11:58:32Z

A friend of mine posted THIS QUIZ on his LJ... I have a feeling it was created by someone with not only a lack of knowledge in CHristianity, but ALL religions in general. As a christian, you'd find it difficult to even answer the first question. SOOOO... Here's my answers to most of those questions.

1. What best describes how you feel about belief in God / religion?
- There's too much hard evidence and impossibility of "sheer coincidence" for God to be just a "belief."

2. You think God:
- Is responsible for our creation.

3. What's the closest to truth?
- Your Soul will survive death.

4. What viewpoint are you most likely to take issue with?
- All religions have equal amounts of truth and corruption (Don't make me prove you wrong.)

5. You are most interested in:
- Serving God's purpose while you are on earth

Most of these answers just made me cringe, especially answering thing according to how it was written... "believer" is just crap. Christianity has far too much proof to fall in that "general" category. Read any of Lee Strobel's "Case for ..." books and you will see there's far too much historic proof that can be found NO WHERE ELSE for the bible to be fake. Atheist historians even use the bible to locate important areas and cultures that existed and were lost. Want me to prove it? Read those "Case for..." books.

Now, I'm not about to approach each and every person and beat them on the head, or even one person. If you want to ask, ask, if you don't, I'll leave you alone only mentioning things when I feel good about it. I made a solid vow not to drive people away by telling them things when they don't want to hear it. Remember, this is writing, you can choose to stop reading whenever you wished, but you didn't.

You haven't seen cool...

2005-11-21T16:49:03Z

Until you've seen this

http://www.nearlygood.com/video/amazingxmaslights.html

Not sure what song, but I BELIEVE that's Manheim Steamroller music. (A Christmas group that's known for their laser light shows.) I believe they have a computer set up to route frequencies, triggering relays that activate the voltage outputs for the lights... not sure though, me and my dad are brainstorming to duplicate this in years to come. God this would be cool, especially pissing off your neighbors.

I know I shouldn't find these funny...

2005-11-07T10:16:10Z

And I should try and keep my humor a little cleaner... but I laughed my ass off at some of these.

Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, and Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a
blowjob.

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What does a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the
Pillsbury Dough
Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're
screwed.

Today was fun...

2005-11-03T09:30:43Z

So I decided to pop in FMJ (Full Metal Jacket) and watch it all the way through this time, (yes, I'm the only movie nut who hasn't yet seen the entire film to celebrate and rant about it's greatness.) Let me just say I'm not sleeping tonight. It's not a matter of what the movie portrays, but how it has me thinking about life. In the beginning, I really associate myself with Joker, until the sock incident, then I become Piles. I've felt that that quite often in my life, felt like dishing out what has been "bestowed" upon me by my "superiors," but I refrain... I just take it in stride.

Then the actual movements take place, it's actually like a telling of two stories in one. They enter combat and instead of reflecting myself on characters I see humanity at it's lowest, and again at it's highest, time and time again. I look at life and I think that it's just a series of moments, and wonder what I'm going to do spending each one of them. I know there are a few people out there who I'd love to spend more time with (I hope you know who you are,) but for some reason, I'm in the battle right now with things pointing me in every direction, and I'm just begging for some backup to come along.

Yeah, funny what a little movie like that can get you thinking about. More things came up in my mind that are just too messed up to remember, but if I do, ya'll know about them.

Other news, I ended up treating the youth group (Jr. and Sr. High,) to some laser tag. It was quite fun, or at least that's what they're telling me. I dunno, I kind've fell bad because I beat the crap out of them. No matter which team I went on it was like the other team just bent over and said "go ahead and stick it in." LoL! What an aweful way to explain that but yeah, I was the hammer that smashed down with force... and I wasn't even trying.

In the morning, me and Bryan sat down and talked about some verses and stuff, and eventhough I know it's there all the time, I have to remind myself that it IS in there. "Those who are first shall be last, and those who are last shall be first," or something like that. I give and give and give, and people seem to like to take, and that doesn't really bother me most of the time. I've done that since I was before a Christian, and sometimes, I feel like I'm gonna snap. I know my life has always been a giving one, more personally tham materialistic wise. Anyone who knows me can honestly say that I'll drop my life to help with theirs, and several can tell you I've already done that for them.

I'm not playing myself up, but it just seems like that never goes away. I'm always strong enough to get stepped on and still give afterwards. I have small fear in the fact that I might "lose out" on the deal, but I don't think that I will in the long run. Now I just need to string all this shit together and make sense of it. :P

Did You Know?

2005-10-14T02:33:02Z

That it takes nearly a whole day (24 hours) to burn one hundred and two cd's? I know, I am almost finished.

Men strike back.

2005-09-24T02:44:42Z

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

I don't know why...

2005-09-20T03:21:06Z

but I'm THIS close to fucking flipping right the hell out.

Don't tell me I don't know my shit.
Don't let me be alone.
Don't try to convince me otherwise in my beliefs.
Don't push my life in a direction for your gain, while making me ignore mine.
Don't fuck with me, plain and simple.

Other than that I need a new fucking job. MS is boring as hell and there's no way I'm ever going to make more money than I am now unless I get bumped up, but I'm not going to deal with that kind've responsibility. It's bullshit as it is. I wish some things job-wise in the past could have gone better, but I view most of them as not being my fault. Some of them were, but not this time.

I feel alone in the world as well. Like, I have no one around me, and I find that I'm talking to myself now. Phone is cool and all I just feel detached, almost like I'm going back to a primal root. I just can't stand anything right now and yet I feel content with it. Funny how I'm happy to live in what I view to be bullshit.

Quarters...

2005-09-03T01:28:25Z

There's a drinking game called quarters. You bounce a quarter off the table and have to land it in the cup. The person who is also playing has to take a drink/shot if the other person makes it in, and you keep going until you miss. All I have to say about this is 1) Pray you go first against this guy, and 2) DON'T MISS!

http://www.nearlygood.com/video/quarters.html

MTX Jackhammer...

2005-08-27T05:44:07Z

Speaker Class: Subwoofer.

Dimensions: 22" Tall x 23 " wide

Weight: 369 Lbs

Power Requirements: 8,500 watts.

How to achieve this power: 5 MTX Thunder Series Amplifiers, 6 capacitors, 3 car batteries.

Volume: Over 30 db (decibles... that's louder than an airplane boys and girls.)

So I got the job...

2005-08-23T23:10:11Z

So I passed the drug test and I now have a job at Mickey Shores making 7.73 an hour before commission. Thing is... I feel like I hate it already. I'm gonna do it, just because I need the money, but I'm still going to apply at other places. It's going to fucking suck if I do get hired somewhere I feel good about. I always hate leaving a place. I feel like these people are never going to like my character because I feel that I need to take care of my own wants and needs before serving them.

So off I go, tomorrow at fucking 9am in the morning, and I get to start a new job.

I hate these kind've of dogs...

2005-08-19T07:01:03Z

But I want this one!

http://www.nearlygood.com/video/coolestdogever.html

Holy shit this dog kicks ass!

Computer check #1

2005-08-13T17:36:24Z

So far, on the returned computer, a 20gb drive has so many bad sectors on it there's now only 8 gigs useable because of bad sectors. Thanks for beating up my shit.

Other than that I'm kind've getting worried... I've put in a TON of applications lately and I haven't heard back from a single one of them. I mean, am I doomed to have to work at Meijers or K-Mart? I really don't want to go back to those places... they were hell when I was 14 and I don't want to do it again.

Another thing I'm trying to figure out is how the fuck am I surviving? I'm almost comfortable being fucking flat broke, eating little to nothing, and only going out and doing things where my friends pay for me (I'm not proud of it...) once a month if that. I need to either get some kind've drive going to want some fucking awesome worldy posessions or something and get my ass motivated... but why? Because it's the thing to do? Cause everyone else does it? I know things that I'd like to accomplish and they're taking shape (slowly,) but what's the hurry?

Eh, who fucking cares. I'm comfortable being on the bottom of the food chain. At least I know I'm there, I'll admit it, and I won't take advantage of generosity to make it seem like I've got more than I do. Hopefully Colin's plan goes into action before I get too involved again here, so I can really start somewhere else.